Making the Most of a Zoom Holiday Gathering
This year has challenged all of us to find alternate ways to connect. With restrictions tightening across the country, many are making last minute changes to their holiday plans. If you’re feeling sadness or loss around this holiday season, you’re not alone. Ambiguous loss, termed by Pauline Boss, is loss without closure or end. During a pandemic, we continuously experience this type of loss through changes in our routines, celebrations, social lives, work lives, and more. The holiday season is no exception.
At the same time, holidays help us to mark time and are an opportunity for meaningful, joyful celebration--no matter the medium. Read more for our suggestions on how to make the most of a virtual holiday celebration.
Adapt your traditions for the virtual medium
As music therapists, we’ve had some trial and error with adapting our work for virtual services these past few months. We’ve learned that many of our tried and true musical traditions need to be adapted for Zoom. And some work better than others! The same is true of holiday traditions. Some examples may include:
Eating together -> consider bringing dessert or a drink together, to replicate the experience of a shared meal without spending too much of the call chewing.
Favorite recipe -> have each family member cook it at home and take turns tasting it and describing to one another. Or, try cooking it together in real time, with one family member giving instructions to the rest.
Watching the Macy’s Day parade -> click “Share Screen” (check “share computer sound”) and watch some of it together online.
Listening to favorite holiday tunes -> click “Share Screen” and check “music/computer sound” in the advanced options to listen to holiday music together
Get creative! Think about the traditions that are important to you and how you might adapt them for a sense of normalcy this season.
Activate your senses
Thanksgiving is a full sensory experience. Engaging our senses is one way to activate memories and bring familiarity into the holidays. It’s also a way to be with family members who are limitedly verbal and/or have dementia. Consider how to stimulate your senses throughout the day, as well as in your virtual celebration, with each family member bringing something for show and tell. Consider how you might activate your senses with:
Smell: bring rosemary, thyme, or oregano herbs inside from the garden.
Sound: play holiday music, notice the sounds of a busy kitchen while cooking, put holiday movies or TV programs on in the background.
Taste: … we think you’ve got this one covered! But getting those exact family recipes may help to replicate a sense of home.
Touch: cozy blankets, the warmth of a fire.
Sight: pumpkins, squash, farm-cut flowers, mistletoe, holiday lights are all ways to bolster your visual experience.
Questions for reflection and gratitude
November is a time for harvest and reflection. The changing season calls upon us to slow down and reflect on the past year before moving into winter. This year, gratitude may be harder than ever. And yet, we know that practicing gratitude can rewire our brains to mitigate the effects of grief and anxiety. For those families who have a tradition of saying thanks, the following questions may help to identify what we still have to be thankful for:
What valuable information have you learned about yourself this past year?
What activities or hobbies have you had time for that you otherwise wouldn’t have?
What lessons have you learned in dealing with this pandemic? What lessons about compassion have you learned?
Conversation starters
It doesn’t have to all be serious! Light-hearted conversations are also a part of many family’s Thanksgiving traditions. Pro tip: if you’re gathering as a large family, it can be helpful to have some kind of facilitation (think: raising your hand) to avoid total chaos. Here are some interesting 2020 conversation starters:
What Thanksgiving traditions did you have growing up?
What’s the first thing you’ll do once the pandemic is ‘over?’
Do you have any favorite rituals for the end of the year?
What’s the best show you’ve binge watched this year?
Or just for fun, try these:
What’s your favorite vacation you’ve ever been on?
Choose someone on the screen and tell us what song makes you think of them.
If you starred in a reality show, what would it be called?
Show us your best dance move.
(For other conversation starters, and ideas of how to incorporate music into your celebration, visit our blog post on virtual music connection).
Set a time and stick to it
Eight months in, most of us have experienced the phenomenon now known as Zoom fatigue. Being on a screen together can be tiring for many reasons, including that blue light strains our eyes, we are often in a ‘performative’ mode due to being on screen, and that the milliseconds long time lag is interpreted negatively by our brains. It’s helpful to limit the time spent on Zoom (we think one hour is the sweet spot) to maintain engagement and prevent fatigue. We all have the relative that shows up two hours late to the party… that won’t work the same via Zoom! Setting and sticking to a time frame may help, especially for larger gatherings.
Make new memories
As we said before, if you’re breaking with tradition this holiday season, set realistic expectations about the day and allow yourself space to feel. With some creativity, this year’s celebrations can still bring some of your family’s traditions, and perhaps even find something new. This can also be an opportunity to spread the love by inviting friends or family who would otherwise spend the day alone. While nothing has been easy this year, we hope the holidays give you space to reflect on the gifts of the season with those you love most.